Clean Jokes/humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by terrence, Oct 22, 2008.

  1. terrence

    terrence Member

    Last edited: Oct 22, 2008

  2. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

  3. terrence

    terrence Member

    THE FAMILY TREE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH

    His dizzy aunt:
    Verti Gogh

    The brother who ate prunes:
    Gotta Gogh

    The brother who worked at a convenience store:
    Stop n Gogh

    The grandfather from Yugoslavia:
    U Gogh

    The cousin from Illinois:
    Chica Gogh

    His magician uncle:
    Where-diddy Gogh

    The nephew who drove a stage coach:
    Wells-far Gogh

    The constipated uncle:
    Can' t Gogh

    The ballroom dancing aunt:
    Tang Gogh

    The bird lover uncle:
    Flamin Gogh

    The fruit loving cousin:
    Man Gogh

    An aunt who taught positive thinking:
    Way-to-Gogh

    The little bouncy nephew:
    Poe Gogh

    A sister who loved disco:
    Go Gogh

    And his niece who travels the country in an RV:
    Winnie Bay Gogh
     
  4. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

    This was not a posed photo. The sign gets put up every year at a certain event. The cop car just happened to get into a little bit of a predicament, and at the very worst (or best) spot possible.
     

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  5. terrence

    terrence Member

    LOL.

    ARGUMENTS
    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
     
  6. alex

    alex Guest

    Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted.
     
  7. srdavo

    srdavo Active Member

    my all-time fave......(corny)

    A lady walks into a bar, with a duck.

    the bartender says, "That's the ugliest pig, I've ever seen"

    the lady says, "that's no pig...it's a duck!"

    the bartender says, " I was talking to the duck!!"
     
  8. sparky

    sparky Active Member

    One of the funniest lame jokes I've heard in awhile was on Flavor of Love a few months ago....

    What did Flav say when two houses fell on him? Get off me, homes!
     
  9. sparky

    sparky Active Member

    Here's some funny pics I've saved for a rainy day like this one...

    1zew11g.jpg 75503460.jpg 977159315_f9c1780944.jpg
    babymop.jpg 6196.jpg carmotivegb2.jpg
    scuicide.jpg slaughter.jpg nigerians1.jpg
    MountainLion.jpg fly.jpg image.axd.jpg
    CircleFoot.jpg
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2008
  10. bluegoatwoods

    bluegoatwoods Well-Known Member

    There was a lawyer who was down on his luck.

    One day the devil himself walked into his office and said, "I can make you a success!"

    "You'll win every case. The rich and powerful will fight each other tooth and nail to have you on their side. You'll have the best clothes, the best offices, the best cars, the best mistresses. And you'll look great until the day you die."

    "In return you will forfeit to me your immortal soul and those of your wife, your children and your children's children for all eternity."

    The lawyer leaned back and thought about it a moment and said,

    "Yeah?...and what's the catch?"
     
  11. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

  12. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

  13. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

    Duly noted and addressed.
     
  14. sparky

    sparky Active Member

    Barack got asked the famous 'Boxers or Briefs' question. I was tempted to say 'Commando'. Then they asked McCain and McCain said 'Depends'.

    BOO YAH!!

    -- joke came from The Daily Show.
     
  15. SimpleSimon

    SimpleSimon Active Member

    Right, Uncle Joe.
     
  16. terrence

    terrence Member

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  17. terrence

    terrence Member

    THE LORD and THE BIKER
    A man was riding his Harley along a California
    beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
    Lord said
    "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all
    ways, I will grant you one wish."
    The biker pulled over and said, "Thank you, Lord. Please build a bridge to
    Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, Think of the enormous
    undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific, and the
    concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural
    resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly
    things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help
    mankind. The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I
    wish that I, and all men, could understand our women; I want to know how she
    feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why
    she cries, what she really means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can
    make a woman truly happy.
    The Lord replied,
    "You want two lanes or four on that bridge??" !!!!
     
  18. terrence

    terrence Member

  19. bluegoatwoods

    bluegoatwoods Well-Known Member

    That biker joke is pretty good.

    I'd be happy to steal it, but it'll be hard to remember it all.
     
  20. sparky

    sparky Active Member

    Yup... A++ on the biker joke!
     
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