there once was a boy din't have a very nice mommy. her favorite thing, besides the horrible things she was always saying, was slapping that little guy across the head, HARD open-hand smacks that rung his ears & blurred his vision. in the beginning, her hand was bigger than his head. he got several of these at once, left right left right, several times a week. prolly 10,000 blows or more to the noggin in his 1st 18 years of "life"...the humiliating part was that it didn't matter where it was or who was watching...it was ok to beat your kids in the 60's. let's not talk about the butcher knife scars on his chest, he has to look at 'em every day as it is, and that's bad enuff.
needless to say, he grew up cynical & angry, physically & mentally damaged.
that's unfortunate, because he was also blessed with tons of talent.
later in life he wound up on disability, grateful that he'd somehow managed to spend enuff time in the service and hold jobs long enuff to earn a decent social security check & medical benefits. he was diagnosed as bi-polar for lack of a better fit, but we know it was really those hits to the head, don't we? that's why 4 years of meds didn't work, there isn't a chemical disorder but true physical damage...yaknow, his ears still ring, never have stopped. it's inconvenient.
he lived a withdrawn life, content to be surviving.
then, an engine on a bicycle, how perfect!
he discovered a small forum, and got REALLY excited...boy that boy can GET excited. then 3 years of whirlwind MB'activity filled the time, and lots of attention he wasn't used to and didn't know how to handle. most of the time, the best he could do was try to keep himself this side of morality. he did alright, but was always tested. he didn't understand why people would test him so long as he kept giving back, but there it was anyway. too confusing, too intense...
and now he's withdrawing again...but he's got that MB, and so do thousands of other people. it's nothing new for him to move on, but it was new to him to remain out in the open for so long. but NOW he has accomplished something, and he feels a bit better about his life as a whole...
and he can start to recall & smile...
that is, just as soon as he gets over the back-biting, the intolerance, the greed, the THINGS people do and say to each other...
people who criticised w/o offering help or solutions, people who glad-handed him to boost their own sales agenda, people who said "this" to your face but "that" to everyone else, people who thought that it was ok to use a medical problem as an insult or as a weapon against him.
so...here i am, at the other end of one heck of a journey, mostly good & that's what kept me going...but some bad too, and that's the part about interacting with people i just can't handle, i never see it coming & am always suprised but i guess i shouldn't be.
the forum is in great shape, the "movement" is what it will be, a mostly fragmented gathering that may or may not ever become more. Tom's just about to try to build a builder's network, one of the final things i had in my dream for MBc. he's also tightened up on the commercialism, yay Tom! and, he's finally given the heave-ho to some what had it coming for some time. YAY again!
i don't know what i'll be doing, i'm trying to find a lil hidaway, someplace with long roads and no people, where i can go and learn to look back on this and smile.
so, this ain't a "scrooyoo" (except to those who won't be able to resist posting some asinine remark) but more of a "i think we BOTH coulda done better and it sucks that you blame it all on me."
good luck to those who have it coming, and to those who don't i hope YOU get what YOU have coming, too.
i have a brand new tweaked 49cc on the way for sabrina, a few other nice treats for her as well. and i have a self-assuredness that despite my major social problems i made a major social impact, and that's pretty cool
ps-somebody please contact me about taking over the racing forum, it's a good thing and worth preserving & promoting.
needless to say, he grew up cynical & angry, physically & mentally damaged.
that's unfortunate, because he was also blessed with tons of talent.
later in life he wound up on disability, grateful that he'd somehow managed to spend enuff time in the service and hold jobs long enuff to earn a decent social security check & medical benefits. he was diagnosed as bi-polar for lack of a better fit, but we know it was really those hits to the head, don't we? that's why 4 years of meds didn't work, there isn't a chemical disorder but true physical damage...yaknow, his ears still ring, never have stopped. it's inconvenient.
he lived a withdrawn life, content to be surviving.
then, an engine on a bicycle, how perfect!
he discovered a small forum, and got REALLY excited...boy that boy can GET excited. then 3 years of whirlwind MB'activity filled the time, and lots of attention he wasn't used to and didn't know how to handle. most of the time, the best he could do was try to keep himself this side of morality. he did alright, but was always tested. he didn't understand why people would test him so long as he kept giving back, but there it was anyway. too confusing, too intense...
and now he's withdrawing again...but he's got that MB, and so do thousands of other people. it's nothing new for him to move on, but it was new to him to remain out in the open for so long. but NOW he has accomplished something, and he feels a bit better about his life as a whole...
and he can start to recall & smile...
that is, just as soon as he gets over the back-biting, the intolerance, the greed, the THINGS people do and say to each other...
people who criticised w/o offering help or solutions, people who glad-handed him to boost their own sales agenda, people who said "this" to your face but "that" to everyone else, people who thought that it was ok to use a medical problem as an insult or as a weapon against him.
so...here i am, at the other end of one heck of a journey, mostly good & that's what kept me going...but some bad too, and that's the part about interacting with people i just can't handle, i never see it coming & am always suprised but i guess i shouldn't be.
the forum is in great shape, the "movement" is what it will be, a mostly fragmented gathering that may or may not ever become more. Tom's just about to try to build a builder's network, one of the final things i had in my dream for MBc. he's also tightened up on the commercialism, yay Tom! and, he's finally given the heave-ho to some what had it coming for some time. YAY again!
i don't know what i'll be doing, i'm trying to find a lil hidaway, someplace with long roads and no people, where i can go and learn to look back on this and smile.
so, this ain't a "scrooyoo" (except to those who won't be able to resist posting some asinine remark) but more of a "i think we BOTH coulda done better and it sucks that you blame it all on me."
good luck to those who have it coming, and to those who don't i hope YOU get what YOU have coming, too.
i have a brand new tweaked 49cc on the way for sabrina, a few other nice treats for her as well. and i have a self-assuredness that despite my major social problems i made a major social impact, and that's pretty cool
ps-somebody please contact me about taking over the racing forum, it's a good thing and worth preserving & promoting.
