The Big D !!!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by locoWelder, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. locoWelder

    locoWelder Guest

    never thought it would happen to me but it is....... just dont know what to do now......but if you been there please let me know what I shoud do, she just says I'm too dangerous for her tells me I need to grow up......please guys help a brother out I'm in a dump.
     

  2. alesterfeind

    alesterfeind Guest

    Hey Loco! Sorry to hear that. It s**** when relationships go bad. My only advice is to get support from friends and family. Hang out with your buddies, occupy your time with activities you enjoy and keep your chin up. I wish you the best.
     
  3. azbill

    azbill Active Member

    very sorry to hear that dude :(
    been there myself
     
  4. davidsis

    davidsis Guest

    Don't let them see you sweat. That's my advice. Women like to play a lot of games. Be cool and Don't go into brezurker mode. Take a deep breath and count to 10.
     
  5. gone_fishin

    gone_fishin Guest

    i don't want to repress a little venting, but we have to be very careful about where this goes.

    loco...best bet is to go find something else to concentrate on for a while. trying to get to the quick fix always makes matters worse. hate to admit it, but that's experience talking...
     
  6. dbigkahunna

    dbigkahunna Guest

    LW,
    21 years ago I went through this. All I can tell you and you probably dont want to hear it, but it will pass. One day at a time. You and she may want to work on it. Try. She has issues, they may be valid. The growing up bit is just her way of finding issues. If she thing s you are dangerous, what have you done to make her think that. I have always been a big kid. Still am and they can bury me with my 22. My wife just sighs when she see's my new toys. We have been together for 19 years and married going on 17. It is funny, I have not seen my x in over 10 years. I really cannot tell you what she looked like. And at the time I was so mad and hurt I could not see how I could ever get past everything. BUt I did. One day at a time. Others have given good advice. Stick with your friends. DO NOT FALL INTO A BOTTLE! You have an interest you enjoy. Follow it. If you have kids, be sure they understand they have nothing to do with what is going on. Good luck
     
  7. OldPete

    OldPete Guest

    loco,
    IIRC. You two just had a new born. She might be having postpartum depression. And with you wadding up a cycle recently...well this might just be over whelm time. I wish you the best whatever the out come.

    Pete
     
  8. JemmaUK

    JemmaUK Guest

    I have to agree with that and you have my best wishes. I've been through the same and to be honest I still havent moved on after three years *sigh*

    Its very likely that if you've both just had a child it might be a mixture of stress and 'baby blues'. It might also be the fact that shes not mad at you, shes scared silly for you. From what you've mentioned about injuries - im not surprised.. not judging but you've done alot of damage to yourself over the years.

    Kids arent the easiest things and it *will* change your life. I know it did mine. The minute that 7lb human turned up she completely changed my life and probably saved it too (long story).

    Give it time and let things cool down a little, then talk to her

    Hope things go well

    Jemma xx
     
  9. Alaskavan

    Alaskavan Guest

    When I got divorced, it was basically because she wanted me to grow up and settle down. I refused. Funny thing is, I've pretty much grown up, and probably settled down a bit. Just bad timing. Oh well.
     
  10. ibdennyak

    ibdennyak Guest

    I had an epiphany

    Loco:
    This is kind of a strange post in your situationm but here goes. I learned something from, your situation, maybe you can learn something from mine. Yesterday was thanksgiving, and I didn't feel like I had too much to be thankful for, but I was wrong. I originally read your post, and although I felt bad for you, it didn't really register till later. Many of you guys describe yourself as big kids. I guess that would be me. Always marched to my own drum. Known as a very nice guy, but not into the marriage, settling down thing. I have the reputation as easy going, helpful, honest, a regular boy scout kind of person, but....there is a lady in Wisconsin who thought enough of me that she hung with me, and waited for me for 16 years. She wanted desparately to *tie the knot*, but I was always off doing something, or busy elsewhere, or what ever. About a year ago she sent me an e mail saying she had found a guy she liked. He wife had passed away fairly recently, and he was lonely, and they had become friends. She wanted to know if I would mind if she dated him. I said no, of course not. I have been living in Ak, about 3000 miles away for a while, and hardly see her anymore. About a month ago, I got an e mail with some wedding pictures. She said she was crying as she typed it, but she just couldn't wait for me any more. Jeez, talk about feeling like a jerk. What she was willing to give me, and I didn't even realize it. Anyway, I think she is happier than I could have made her, or hope she is. Just wish I would have realized before I let her believe I was the guy for her. I guess what I am thankful for this year, is that I didn't go any further with her. I am sure it just would not have worked out, and there would have been two miserable people.

    Anyway, you asked for advice, and I don't have any, just a story that might give you a few thoughts. Maybe give it a little time, she gave me 16 years. Best of luck, and I hope it works out for you better than it did for me.

    Denny
     
  11. Some little help I hope

    Loco, you probably know that I don't enter into a lot of "personal" types of threads, but I'm hoping, that I might be able to offer a little insight.

    Briefly Wife and I have been married over 30 years, and it was both of our first times. We never had children, so I can't comment from personal experiance, just from observation thru many years. The post-partum idea expressed above is a very valid concept.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you been injured at work or something, and are not fully 100 percent able-bodied? I can only try to imagine what a thrill it would be to get on the salt and run flat out, and especially if I had built and modified the machine myself BUT...........you have a wife, a baby, and I think another child or two?

    It is easy for me to see, that if she has churning emotions now, with new baby, and hormones us guys will never understand, that she might believe that it would be easier to walk away now while she is immersed in the Mother-Baby bond, than it would to go down the road a couple years, with whatever all is going on now, just to see you killed in a racing accident?

    As with many of us, I love speed and accelleration, my 1929 Model A I built will easily do 105 in 3rd gear, and I have loved slamming that M20 muncie and hittin 5500 on the tach at 105mph, (on city streets BTW!) BUT I have a wife at home, and need to not be a burden to her (wheather crippled or dead, who knows?). Sidenote, she doesn't like those 105 rides on little bit!

    I have become able to enjoy the lower speeds, and still have most of the feeling of accomplishment, and feel what seems to be the speed, on my Whizzer powered 09, and soon the 10.

    I wonder, if you were able, if discussing her potential fear of losing you, when she is not mad, upset, confused, or totally immersed in baby, might not pave the way to reconcilliation? As I have looked at your SIG it seems you may be church folks, and many times there is much help there.

    In my experiance, very few mommies are willing, gracefully, to have daddy out risking his life for a moments thrill that is for him, and not benifiting the family unit.

    If you feel for any reason that I might be of help to you, PM me, I have unlimited long distance, and will be happy to help if I possibly can.

    Mike
     
  12. gone_fishin

    gone_fishin Guest

    hugs all 'round for loco and family :)

    loco...just try to keep it simple. don't get too into it, she'll let you know when she's ready. giving her some room (hence my suggestion to throw yerself into something else for a while) will get you there quicker than trying to force the issue...right or wrong, you both have some self-ponderance ahead of you, a good thing, however painful it may be at the moment :cool:
     
  13. I'm not very good at this for I've never faced this,but being married for 20 years with two almost grown kids I can tell you the most stressful times in our marriage happened when our kids were just infants. And we both gave up so much of our recreation so we can grow.
    Even now if my wife gave me an ultimatum between my family and my motoredbike,the for sale sign would be over the motoredbike.
    Most guys would say I'm being a wuss thinking like this. I don't care. My wife is my world,and I love her so much,I would even let her go if it means her happiness.
    But this is a hard time for anyone when the kids are so small and so demanding.
    Put all your hobbies aside for now and be there for her. Look into some counseling.
    For your kids,man. Today there are more divorced people out there than married people,and those married over 5 or ten years is becoming rarer and rarer.
    Save your marriage,no matter what it takes.It's worth it.
     
  14. larymor

    larymor Guest

    It takes time bro...most of these ladys are just hard to understand. Try to get it back together if you want to..and can...if not.....move on. In time you will forget about her.
     
  15. Scottm

    Scottm Guest

    After our second child my wife cut her beautiful long curly brown hair to about 1 inch long and dyed it flat black, I agree with Old Pete about the post partum and other stuff. Put yourself aside for a while and tend to her and the kids. We guys like to fix stuff. Just like yo read and learn here to fix you bike, listen and learn from her (even the crazy s*&t that doesn't make sense).
     
  16. uncle_punk13

    uncle_punk13 Guest

    Hey bro.
    I cannot add anything as far as advice, as I have never been married or been in a serious relationship (until recently and it's all new, uncharted, territory), and I don't have children; BUT i am a listener. All my friends come to me when they just want to get it all out. Look, you are all my community, and if one of you is hurting, i'm hurting. If you want to talk, pm me and we can arrange the digits exchange... I'm here for ya' my MotoredBikeBrother, shoukld you want or need.
    Rif
     
  17. Dockspa1

    Dockspa1 Guest

    Loco, I hope the best for ya nomatter what you decide. One of the smartest things I ever heard was from a couple that had their 60th anniversery. They were asked how they made it together all them years and their answer (in agreement ) was, "every time one of us was not in love with the other then, the other one was in love with the other. It goes visa-versa.
    We are on 33 years and still taking turns.
    Thoughts
    Doc
     
  18. japat100

    japat100 Guest

    there are 10 thousand replays on this forum ,,how to fix a happy time motor ,,,i would say you could multiply this no by 100 on how to fix a,,, not-so-happy-marriage , between 2 personality's ,,,,

    so the no.1 concern should be ,do what is best for the kids, and that means seek help from professional , ,and that is also the best way to stay friends and may save the marridge

    you will be surprise how much you can learn from a marriage professional ,,, it take them a lifetime of study just to asked the right questions ,, we are very complicated humans ,,

    hope you both see the advantage to seek professional help ,, and if you don"t want to do it for yourself ,then do it for the kids sake ,, because in most break-up the children suffer the most ,,

    i would not have posted or even a temp to give advice on a not-so happy-marriage ,only that there are kids involved ,,,, get professional help

    japat
     
  19. davidsis

    davidsis Guest

    Did not mean to say that about women how they play games. Forgot thought it was just us guys. Did not even know that there was even women active on this message board.
     
  20. It's not about playing games. In my very unprofessional opinion women and men really are two different animals.
    When a woman in general has young kids,she feels like she's giving up so much of her freedom,so much of her time. She needs to adjust her schedule to accomidate the children and feels that the husband should help out at every moment. Even when she tells you it's okay to watch the football game,if she's doing any chores,you better be doing it with her and state that watching the game is no fun unless your watching it together.
    Now the guy in general yes,we do help in our own way,but to the woman it's not enough because in her eyes,her husband is still enjoying the same things the same as when before he became a dad,and as a dad is having even more fun now,while the woman simply has more responsibilities that most guys simply don't understand.
    This is just a general statement for there are those exceptions,but the man in us men feel like we work and they do laundry.
    In my case,a true man is one that can take away his ego to serve,yes SERVE his woman however SHE feels fit,cause our women do a whole lot for us,most of the things they do we simply take for granted.
    20 years I've been married and we've both relaxed but I keep a sharp ear to her feelings all the time.
    It's work. Always.
    And yes,this sounds real wussy of me to say some of these things. But in my case this is what works and I think (one can never ever know) my wife is very happy with me.
    I don't care,guys. I don't care. A life without my family to me is no life at all.