The cost of trust

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Fabian, Apr 30, 2013.

  1. Fabian

    Fabian Well-Known Member

    How can I give my marriage the attention it needs while I'm having an affair?

    Annalisa Barbieri
    The Guardian, Friday 26 April 2013 13.00 BST

    Last year, in my 11th year of marriage, I had an empty fling over the internet with an ex-boyfriend. We never met, but it excited me. It made me feel powerful and able - a far cry from the way I was feeling after seven years of being a stay-at-home mum.

    My behaviour had a positive effect on my marriage - more sex, fewer arguments. I felt like my old self before children, before I donned the invisible and diminishing role of housewife. I was distracted enough to forget my discontent. When the fling finished, I felt bereft and bored. I searched online on an extra-marital affairs site and have been having an affair for a year.

    In the early days of the affair I still enjoyed my husband, but find now that I increasingly dislike him. I have been spoiled by the adoration, attention, care, support from this new man.

    Yet, I think that if I try harder with my husband, I can make our marriage work, at least for the time being. I cannot see myself living with my husband until our dying days. I will leave when the children are old enough to understand. I want to live alone. I yearn for a fantasy world: a little house of my own, with a one-week-on/one-week-off arrangement with the children (now eight and six), providing for myself and children, succeeding on my own.

    I'm not going to give up my affair - I'm not sure it would help if I did. I fear it would leave me resentful, bored, irritated and prone to arguments. But how can I give my marriage the attention it needs while I'm having an affair? I've decided to be fairer. Stop this voice in my head that says I sodding hate my husband every time he annoys me. Give it two more years for our respective businesses to stabilise. So. It's not good enough to stay, but not bad enough to go. I need an omnipresent entity to tell me which direction to take, and, unfortunately, my husband to tell me whether I can afford it!
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2015

  2. grinningremlin

    grinningremlin Active Member

    What a gem, makes me want to wretch.We need to bring the dowry back so at least the dude has a little gold and some livestock when the chick boogies, and it must be made hands off in the divorce.I hate understanding Arab men so well.
    I have a cousin that went through almost the same thing, his ex-wife had a long distance thing with some dude, told my cuz she was going to Ohio to see her dad, of course it was a ruse.Well the dude didn't live up to expectations, she ruined her marriage, didn't get the other dude, and is now fat and working online dating services to find the next victim.
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2013
  3. Fabian

    Fabian Well-Known Member

    Yet when their marriage ends up in the family court, the outcome will most likely be detrimental to the man; both financially and emotionally; in fact, somehow the situation will be turned on it's head and the man will be demonised for simply being involved in a marriage with a woman who was intent on a self created path of destruction; tearing a family apart in the process.
  4. KCvale

    KCvale Motorized Bicycle Vendor

    Ahh, the 'Young and the Restless', a soap opera daytime TV show if memory serves.

    Maybe the age of the Internet has a toll with stuff but living with a spouse all your lives always has it's down points, heck my wife of 25 years and I have lived separately 3 times but still back together again.
    For me it was our only kid, my son now 23 and in prison for heroin because I saw it coming but the wife wouldn't let me stop it as she saw it different and wanted to 'let him make his own right choices'.

    Love is love folks, you either have it or you don't, and when you have it things like my wife's weight gain to twice what she was when we married or my alignments and 30 pounds of mussel loss and fondness for cheap whiskey are simply not a factor, and how great it is to talk all the time and spoon every night in bed is all that matters.

    Don't get me wrong here, I had one hell of a good time with more women than I can remember until my mid 30's before I met my wife.

    Funny story that, I was being hit on in a fancy downtown bar by a hot babe when she went to the bathroom and my now wife moves in on the other side bar stool and stole me away before she came back.

    Was it because I was a 6'2" blonde haired green eyed Adonis with a wallet full of money driving a BMW and Roofer mussels?
    Of course it was, but after a couple of years of living together we knew.

    Why her? I don't know, but after living together I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her and she with me and that is how we both see it to this day with no regrets.

    Neither of us now at AARP age are any looks prize but we sure are happy and isn't that what it comes down to?
    It is for me.