What about dirty jokes? H E L L YEAH!! :^ )

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by KilroyCD, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

    We have a thread in the White Zone for clean humour. But what about the more risque variety? Should we allow them here? I think we can all agree that everyone should refrain from racist jokes, but what about those that are rated PG-14, R, NC-17 or worse?
    I'll start the debate by saying that we should allow some of those here, drawing the line at those that would be considered racist or of other highly objectionable content. Over to you...
     

  2. give me vtec

    give me vtec Active Member

    combustion chamber... enter at your own risk.

    If tom started a thread about curse words... I think dirty jokes should get a pass. I think it would be refreshing.
     
  3. give me vtec

    give me vtec Active Member

    I don't think there should be a line... racist, sexist, or otherwise. If you cant tolerate it, dont subscribe to the CC.
     
  4. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

    I'll start with one that isn't too dirty...(PG14)

    A BLONDE'S CRUISE DIARY

    DIARY: DAY 1

    All packed for the cruise ship -- all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited.

    DIARY: DAY 2

    Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

    DIARY: DAY 3

    At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

    DIARY: DAY 4

    Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.


    DIARY: DAY 5

    Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked.


    DIARY: DAY 6

    Today I saved 1600 lives.

    Twice.
     
  5. srdavo

    srdavo Active Member

    Little Girl On A Plane

    A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane
    when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk.
    I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a
    conversation with your fellow passenger.'

    The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly
    and said to the stranger,
    'What would you like to talk about?'


    'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger.
    'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

    OK, 'she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
    But let me ask you a question first.
    A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass.
    Yet a deer excretes little pellets,
    while a cow turns out a flat patty,
    and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
    Why do you suppose that is?'

    The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
    thinks about it and says,
    'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

    To which the little girl replies,
    'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power
    when you don't know s h i t?


    (thanks, Chris!! :grin5:)
     
  6. Tom

    Tom Active Member

    hahahahahahahah

    Yes! I think anything should go here.
     
  7. scokes

    scokes Member

    Little Johnny an his bike

    For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a motorized bicycle.

    His father said, "Son, we'd love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

    The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

    Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too."

    "I'll be d amned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no transportation."
     
  8. srdavo

    srdavo Active Member

    :smilielol5:

    good 1 !!
     
  9. srdavo

    srdavo Active Member

    "Johnny" got up during the night, for a drink.
    On his way to the kitchen, he peeked into Dad & Mom's room.

    He immediately went back and woke up his little brother & told him ,
    "shhhh....Come on, you gotta see this."

    Little brother took a peek & whispered, "Is that Mom?"

    Johnny said, "Yeah, and she b itches at you for sucking your thumb!"
     
  10. eastwoodo4

    eastwoodo4 Member

    ok you said anything goes so here goes.

    a passenger jet was going across the atlantic.the co pilot was doing some calculations and realized they miscalculated and they didnt have enough fuel.



    so they told the passengers the problem and said we have to dump all the luggage.after they dumped all the luggage they still didnt have enough fuel.so they told the passengers that they would all die unless some people would volunteer to jump and save the rest of the passengers.of coarse no one volunteered.

    so the pilot said the only way to do it fair was to go in alphabetical order.


    so he starts.

    A.is their any African americans on the plane?....no one raises their hand.
    b.is their any black people on the plane?....no one raises their hand.
    c.is there any colored people on the plane?......no one raises their hand.But in the back of the plane a little black kid asks his dad.dad arent we all those thing?arent we african american,arent we black,arent we colored?

    The dads says to his son,not today son.Today were n i g g e r s and we come after the mexicans!
     
  11. Tom

    Tom Active Member

    ahahahahhaha
     
  12. kerf

    kerf Guest

    Tom, I love this but you realize we're all going to h e l l for it.:jester:
     
  13. scokes

    scokes Member

    One Liners....

    How can you tell when an MB mechanic just had sex?
    One of his fingers is clean.


    Why does O. J. Simpson want to move to Arkansas?
    Everyone has the same DNA.


    What is the main reason Santa is so jolly?
    He knows where all the bad girls live.
     
  14. scokes

    scokes Member

    A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

    The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

    The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

    The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

    The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

    After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

    The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
     
  15. eastwoodo4

    eastwoodo4 Member

    did you guys hear about that new motoredbike web site started by a lesbian?


    yeah its called motored****s.com!


    LOL.sorry just popped in my head.
     
  16. eastwoodo4

    eastwoodo4 Member

    motoredd i k e s.com.


    dammit can we edit please?
     
  17. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

    An English woman living in New York finds out that her mother back home in England is in very ill health and on her deathbed.
    But she doesn't have enough money to buy a plane ticket to get to England. So she thinks; "Maybe I can go down to the port and see if I can stow away on a ship heading to England."
    She goes to the Port of NY and sees a large ship where one of the crewmen is standing by the gangway. She goes up to him and tells her about her mum being ill and that she has no money and would like to stow away. The crewman (who just happens to be the First Mate) thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, I'll let you stow away, but you'll have to return the favour."
    She agrees and when the ship sailed the First Mate tucked her away under cover in a lifeboat. Every day the First Mate would bring her food and drink and receive his "favour" in return. On the third day, the Captain was strolling along the deck and noticed some movement under the lifeboat cover. He lifted the cover and there she was, so he demanded an explanation.
    She told him everything, that her mother is on her deathbed and she has no money, and that the First Mate knows she on board...
    "Wait a minute..." the Captain says, "...the First Mate knows you're on board?"
    "Yes," she says, "He's been bringing me food and screwing me."
    "He sure has been..." said the Captain, "Because this is the Staten Island Ferry!"
     
  18. KilroyCD

    KilroyCD Active Member

    Why? That's almost as funny as the joke! :jester:
     
  19. Tom

    Tom Active Member

    That is horrible!
     
  20. eastwoodo4

    eastwoodo4 Member

    lmao
     
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