50 Worse ways to Die than Smokin'


Active Member
Sep 30, 2006
The worst part of NOT smoking is when you combine it with installing a new phone line for the computer, and SLOWING DOWN, from 50 kps to 33 or less.

Remember my Christmas BellSouth Adventure...


Jaybuzz- Head of All Southern Bell repair sent me the 50 worst ways to die:


My dad had a country store/Amoco station, so I got free gas/smokes and snicker bars/honey buns in lieu of wages, and charged cartons to the store account in college.

I would swap brands because of all the BUMS, (Reals/LemonTwists/Brands in funny packages like Trues and Carltons). That way I could spot WHO was snatching packs from my closets. Jaybuzz smoked Vantage I remember.

There were some brands that I brought on campus that were wet socks, but it kept the cigarette bums at bay.

Anyway, a cousin from Santa Cruz rolled Bugler in the late seventies, and I started rolling Tops, less than a penny in those days, two puffs was all the nicotine necessary.

When I lived in NC I quit rolling because generics were less than a dollar, but I never paid more than $2 for a pack.....that is more expensive than heroin.

When I drove from NC to Bama at Christmas, Jaybuzz had the NewYearsEve gathering, and I would sell 20 cartons of NC generics to the gas stations around his house in Bessemer, the loose kind they used to put in the stryofoam cup by the register and sell for a nickel.

That profit paid for my gas, those Asian store owners welcomed me every Christmas from 1985-97. In other words, me and smokes are co-pacetic. But it really isn't a hassle, because-

The way I quit:

Buy 21 mg EQUATE patches, for $30. Cut in half and duct tape to abdomen.

Then cut them in thirds, and keep stretching out the hours, so the duct tape/peppermints become the pacifier, and 7 mg lasts a week.

I was telling Rif that I bought 14 patches around St. Patricks day, still have 6 in the fridge....., and if I go around smokers, I can cut off a third and wear it.

But my problem, spending 1-2 cents per cig, is I LOSE MONEY by not smoking, dammit.



I quit real easy- by watching my Mom die from emphysima! Kinda took the joy outta smoking cigarettes.

No, I'm not one of those militant non-smokers. I still have fond memories of smoking two packs of Marlboro Menthols a day.

Still, just about anything beats huffing gasoline, right Jeff? :devilish: