for anyone questioning my silence...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by augidog, Jan 20, 2009.

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  1. augidog

    augidog New Member

    look...i'm bi-polar/ptsd...the result of some bad, i was "weird" long before this whole MB-thing, some of you are aware of the early days & the karmic string of events that got everything started. but, guys, honestly...i never claimed to be qualified to lead anything (used to always ask for the true leaders to surface) & i've always acknowledged that i know it's the bike, not me.

    now, with the rally & racing behind me, i've gone into a massive decompression state...those who watched know i took on an awful lot with the barest minimum of active support, in other words i did most of those 2 year's logistical tasks myself, then happily turned it over to the group as a whole. i always gave props to those who deserve 'em, but i'm also notorious for my direct manner.

    because i've withdrawn socially, which is what a bi-polar dude does, i've been branded as having taken advantage of folks to achieve last year's major milestones...

    no way this a message to the group as a whole, but it's certainly directed at more than a few, this is easier than trying to PM and email y'all.

    oh well...those who are thinking, saying, and acting on these statements against my character are wrong, but i'm helpless to change the course of events as there are too many "normal" folks involved in this feeding frenzy.

    yup, it hurts...nope, it can't be reversed. once i don't trust someone, i REALLY don't trust 'em. some of that's because of experiences, some of it's because i don't have to accept 2nd-string "friendships", some of it's because the "normal" ones may not be so normal after all.

    gossip, lies, deceipt, back-biting (you should hear what you say about each other) is difficult enuff for me in private, and some folks have NO idea how tuff it was to accomplish the things i did without going insane, hanging in only because of the MB.

    i did it, we did's over, but i do have the memories of the era, i own what i did, nothing can erase that.

    geez some of you folks are way more screwed up than me.

    i've spoken my piece about some significant things, but i never screwed anyone or took advantage, i always "manipulated" the situation for everyone's benefit...boy was i ever popular & likable when my apartment was a free parts warehouse...shameful, using my weaknesses to excuse your own.

  2. skyl4rk

    skyl4rk Guest

    Welcome back Augie, peace to you
  3. Skyliner70cc

    Skyliner70cc Active Member

    Augie, thanks for sharing and welcome back. While I had differences with you, I appreciate your efforts in advancing our hobby through this website. Looking back, you did what you thought was best and I respect that.

    You will be in my thoughts as you battle your demons and find solace and peace. I hope you remain a presence on the forums and continue with your contributions.

    Last edited: Jan 20, 2009
  4. augidog

    augidog New Member

    huh...i din't consider this because it's not what i was after, but...thanks for the kind responses.

    my motivation was: why do i STILL have to find jabs at my expense even after so much time has passed? between the local hen-cluckin' that's happening, & my lurking & finding stuff, it seems like it'll never end...

    just gimme a fargen break, already!
  5. Pablo

    Pablo Motored Bikes Sponsor

    Augie - hang in there dude. Spring is coming!! Ridin' to come soon.:detective::jester:
  6. Mountainman

    Mountainman Active Member

    hey there augidog -- the motor bike guy

    up top the old mountain here
    that's what you are augi -- one of those motor bike guys on this site I found

    I don't know you well -- hardly at all actually
    and we even had a little slight run in at one time
    as we both were just trying in our own way to get some THINGS worked out

    I didn't know much about you then -- I admit that
    if I would have may have handled THINGS a little different

    points being
    I have read a lot more of your threads and posts since back then
    have come to realize that you love MB's and have done a lot for the MB cause
    that's the bottom line as far as concerned up top this mountain

    yes - haven't seen you around for a while -- true
    I just figured you were busy doing what you needed to be doing
    knowing now that you suffer from the Bi-Polar THING
    I know due to working with and being with friends who have the same
    it can be a very rough THING to deal with from time to time

    bottom line
    #1 -- remember your best friend is way up there in the Heavens
    and will never let you down
    #2 -- take care of yourself
    #3 -- try not to give a ding dong dang about what some may say
    there will always be someone somewhere talking about somebody
    #4 -- enjoy the ride as you -- ride that THING
  7. az cra-z

    az cra-z Guest

    Augs, you were a large part of how I got into this fun THING. Thanks, and don't pay attention to the knuckleheads.

    "They're just jealous because the voices talk to ME"
  8. bluegoatwoods

    bluegoatwoods Well-Known Member

    Hello augidog,

    You're a friend to all motor assisted bicyclists. If there are chumps out there who can't see this, that's a pity. It can't be helped. So minimize contact and God bless 'em.
  9. fetor56

    fetor56 Guest

    I always look to the future & think the best is yet to come.
    Youv'e got a great wealth of knowledge with motorized bicycles & life...........don't waste either soldier.
  10. Jim H

    Jim H Guest

    Hey Augi,
    I don't know how bi-polar works but I know about depression and what it does and is doing to me...I haven't been around either man except for the occasional lurk. Though we've never met, you are a friend; hang in there Augi my son, my son...
  11. mikem

    mikem Member

    Hi Augidog,
    We don't know each other and I don't know anything about what's going on here but I'm praying for you.
    God bless.
  12. augidog

    augidog New Member

    with all that's been going on, i've recently forgotten about the many positives of this MB-community, but have been graciously reminded.

    thank you all.
  13. mabman

    mabman Member

    Ok so what is Wavy's and all the others excuse? I thought all you guys had floated away down there on the pen.

    Although I have never met you boys, I know enough to know that you are all good people. At one point I was kind of pulling your chain in good humour cause I am a bit of a wiseacre, but if I had known more about your condition I would not have, believe me. Recognizing your disease and releasing the energy from within to all of us out here that care about our MB Brothers hopefully will get you pumped again to not lead the charge, but to join in with the others that you have inspired via this site and your efforts this summer on the Flats.

    Keep the faith and before long the leathers will come out and you'll be rippin the roads and salt with the wind at your back and the sun in your face.

    PNW winters suk. Let's all go to Mexico next winter! We can ride down 101 and do a border to border time trial while we're at it.
  14. augidog

    augidog New Member

    there's the rub,'ll have to wait for the rest of the locals to speak for themselves.

    btw-peninsula winters ROCK! clear & mid 30's-50's, lotsa wind, some snow that was a blast, and we still have some "puddles" on the gravel roads that top bluto's hubs, what a hoot...rain...well, you know that us real-riders will suit up and do it in the rain, too.
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2009
  15. mabman

    mabman Member

    If I wasn't stuck in Albany, NY sitting bedside with a really sick son I could relate as it looks like the weather up in Bellingrad has been nice also since the snow and then rain stopped. It is cold and snowy here and I want to go home. It is 1:30 a.m. here and the boy is having a restless night. I am working on a design for the ultimate 3 wheeler, because at least for awhile, the good lord willing, he will be needing it.
  16. graucho

    graucho Active Member

    Cheer up Augi. You can go away for a while and people wonder where you went. I could go away tomorrow
    and no one would give a carp. HaHaHa. That tells me you have made an impact on the movement.

    I walk to the beat of a different drummer. I've always thought you did to. This is a good thing. I feel any person
    with substance is always different. Everyone I hang with in my personal life is "out there" in some manner.

    Weither you know it or not you inspire. Your inspiration in the MB movement has got me thinking.
    Your enthusiasim has got me thinking of starting a MB building class for the youth in my area between the
    ages of 10-15.

    If I/all of us can inspire the next generation of MB builders it would accelerate the sport. Yes, im talking about
    breeding (so to speak) a mass of youth that will explode the sport a few years down the road. One man could literally
    be responsible for creating fifty riders in about a 7 year period. Then start a chain reaction.

    My point is.... Augi, all you have to do is inspire a few. Then you are doing your job. Those few could create a monster.
    Who cares about those who push you the wrong way. It's those who you touch in a positive way that really matters.

    Take care and thanks for what you've done for me. graucho
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2009
  17. machiasmort

    machiasmort Active Member

    This thread just floored me guy's.

    One of my best friends was extreamely Bi-Polar. We were very tight, and I lost him a couple years back(heart attack(34)in his sleep). We were like Brothers and our conditions basically fed off of each others manic cycle. Boy did we get stuff done when we were on a mission! People arround us thought we were nutz. Nothing is impossible when you set your mind to it! His death was not condition related in my opinion (maybe to a slight degree).

    Augie and the rest who understand this, please listen up. It's one thing to realize and another to recognize something. Somewhere along the line you asked God for knowledge and you realized you were bestowed!

    Recognition is the idea that the bestower expects more of the bestowee. You don't teach a dog to fetch inorder to take delivery of a turd!!! Understand, ha ha ha!

    My firm opinion is that Santan is gradually being loosened to power again. Read the book to see what he did to "JOB", Brother. He will target the Generals of the Army first (those with knowledge)(those of faith). He's got a walk for you to walk. My advice,(IMHO), try to follow the path as hard as you can and realize so long as your on that path, you owe no human explaination.

    "The will of the Lord is enscribbed upon the hearts of men", will you listen? You already know right from wrong, even if you never met another human, and grew up on a desert Island!

    When you really look you'll see what is causing problems. Augie, some blame it on paper, I'm not convinced.

    I wish everybody well being!
  18. ZnsaneRyder

    ZnsaneRyder Member

    Keep your head high, and remember your self importance and who you are.

    There are always haters out there that will try to knock you down, make you feel stupid, and rob you of your identity and self esteem, just in a feeble attempt to raise theirs at your expense.

    Remember, you are important, and you are wanted here. It's hard, but try not to let the crude few that talk smack keep you from your dreams and goals.

    Happy Riding
  19. Alaskavan

    Alaskavan Guest

    I'm just glad to hear from you, and to hear that you're still buzzing around the peninsula.
    All the best, always.
  20. augidog

    augidog New Member

    yaknow, van...when i go into the cave for a while, i truly do regret feeling unable to explain myself to my friends...this won't be the last time misinterpretation is a factor in my life.

    some of the replies here have kinda sparked me...i think the 1st thing i loved about the MB was the therapeutic benefits. once MBc found it's way, another thing completely fired me up...because you can buy in so in-expensively (cheaply! ha! no, this isn't the topic for that ;)), it's just about the only motorsport going that lets anyone who wants to graduate from spectator to participant. because anyone can play, our community is more demographically-diverse than almost any other group before it. and we mostly stay on the same page, always respecting the sanctity of this quite-tight forum.

    but, from a mental-health standpoint...being the focus of so much activity from so many different perspectives was overwhelming. keeping all these factions focused on building a stable new forum from day-1...shoot, here it is, but don't ask me how i never stuck my head in the oven (jk).

    point being: sometimes, some of us are so different from each other that the only thing we have in common is the MB...a difficult condition to overcome when you socialize & ride together regularly.

    as vocal as i've sometimes been, noone can ever say i've refused to ride with anyone because of politics. i no longer enjoy the same considerations, & am at a loss to figure out's clear from all my posts of last year's activities that i respected & admired these folks. i've been a true friend, placing no conditions on my help except mutual respect. but it seems my "weird hippy ways" are acceptable grounds for social banishment. no rides, no parties, no building projects...i'm, who used who, eh? no problem "minimizing contact" or "cutting my losses" because the only time i hear from anyone is if they don't have anyone else to hang with.

    my inability to absorb emotional twists & turns without a lot of kicking & screaming...geez, ya can't possibly think anyone would choose to be this way. it's mighty inconvenient, i'll tellya.

    so i love life but am actually kind of afraid to go live it..because of the eventual melt-down of relationships as i wear people out with my ways, i don't usually bother.

    BUT! these wonderful contraptions drew me out, & have given me more healthy interaction with society than one total-freak has a right to. i'm grateful, so i try to kick-in whenever i'm functional.

    that isn't as often as some of my buddies might think. because when i do function i excel, i feel as if too much is expected from me all the time. to be fair, i know some of that's on me, but what about a declared friend? isn't it ok to expect just a bit more of him or her, too, considering how hard i've worked to get 'er dun?
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2009
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