The Big D !!!

M

MotorbikeMike

Guest
Some little help I hope

Loco, you probably know that I don't enter into a lot of "personal" types of threads, but I'm hoping, that I might be able to offer a little insight.

Briefly Wife and I have been married over 30 years, and it was both of our first times. We never had children, so I can't comment from personal experiance, just from observation thru many years. The post-partum idea expressed above is a very valid concept.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't you been injured at work or something, and are not fully 100 percent able-bodied? I can only try to imagine what a thrill it would be to get on the salt and run flat out, and especially if I had built and modified the machine myself BUT...........you have a wife, a baby, and I think another child or two?

It is easy for me to see, that if she has churning emotions now, with new baby, and hormones us guys will never understand, that she might believe that it would be easier to walk away now while she is immersed in the Mother-Baby bond, than it would to go down the road a couple years, with whatever all is going on now, just to see you killed in a racing accident?

As with many of us, I love speed and accelleration, my 1929 Model A I built will easily do 105 in 3rd gear, and I have loved slamming that M20 muncie and hittin 5500 on the tach at 105mph, (on city streets BTW!) BUT I have a wife at home, and need to not be a burden to her (wheather crippled or dead, who knows?). Sidenote, she doesn't like those 105 rides on little bit!

I have become able to enjoy the lower speeds, and still have most of the feeling of accomplishment, and feel what seems to be the speed, on my Whizzer powered 09, and soon the 10.

I wonder, if you were able, if discussing her potential fear of losing you, when she is not mad, upset, confused, or totally immersed in baby, might not pave the way to reconcilliation? As I have looked at your SIG it seems you may be church folks, and many times there is much help there.

In my experiance, very few mommies are willing, gracefully, to have daddy out risking his life for a moments thrill that is for him, and not benifiting the family unit.

If you feel for any reason that I might be of help to you, PM me, I have unlimited long distance, and will be happy to help if I possibly can.

Mike
 


G

gone_fishin

Guest
hugs all 'round for loco and family :)

loco...just try to keep it simple. don't get too into it, she'll let you know when she's ready. giving her some room (hence my suggestion to throw yerself into something else for a while) will get you there quicker than trying to force the issue...right or wrong, you both have some self-ponderance ahead of you, a good thing, however painful it may be at the moment :cool:
 
L

Large Filipino

Guest
I'm not very good at this for I've never faced this,but being married for 20 years with two almost grown kids I can tell you the most stressful times in our marriage happened when our kids were just infants. And we both gave up so much of our recreation so we can grow.
Even now if my wife gave me an ultimatum between my family and my motoredbike,the for sale sign would be over the motoredbike.
Most guys would say I'm being a wuss thinking like this. I don't care. My wife is my world,and I love her so much,I would even let her go if it means her happiness.
But this is a hard time for anyone when the kids are so small and so demanding.
Put all your hobbies aside for now and be there for her. Look into some counseling.
For your kids,man. Today there are more divorced people out there than married people,and those married over 5 or ten years is becoming rarer and rarer.
Save your marriage,no matter what it takes.It's worth it.
 
L

larymor

Guest
It takes time bro...most of these ladys are just hard to understand. Try to get it back together if you want to..and can...if not.....move on. In time you will forget about her.
 
S

Scottm

Guest
After our second child my wife cut her beautiful long curly brown hair to about 1 inch long and dyed it flat black, I agree with Old Pete about the post partum and other stuff. Put yourself aside for a while and tend to her and the kids. We guys like to fix stuff. Just like yo read and learn here to fix you bike, listen and learn from her (even the crazy s*&t that doesn't make sense).
 
U

uncle_punk13

Guest
Hey bro.
I cannot add anything as far as advice, as I have never been married or been in a serious relationship (until recently and it's all new, uncharted, territory), and I don't have children; BUT i am a listener. All my friends come to me when they just want to get it all out. Look, you are all my community, and if one of you is hurting, i'm hurting. If you want to talk, pm me and we can arrange the digits exchange... I'm here for ya' my MotoredBikeBrother, shoukld you want or need.
Rif
 
D

Dockspa1

Guest
Loco, I hope the best for ya nomatter what you decide. One of the smartest things I ever heard was from a couple that had their 60th anniversery. They were asked how they made it together all them years and their answer (in agreement ) was, "every time one of us was not in love with the other then, the other one was in love with the other. It goes visa-versa.
We are on 33 years and still taking turns.
Thoughts
Doc
 
J

japat100

Guest
there are 10 thousand replays on this forum ,,how to fix a happy time motor ,,,i would say you could multiply this no by 100 on how to fix a,,, not-so-happy-marriage , between 2 personality's ,,,,

so the no.1 concern should be ,do what is best for the kids, and that means seek help from professional , ,and that is also the best way to stay friends and may save the marridge

you will be surprise how much you can learn from a marriage professional ,,, it take them a lifetime of study just to asked the right questions ,, we are very complicated humans ,,

hope you both see the advantage to seek professional help ,, and if you don"t want to do it for yourself ,then do it for the kids sake ,, because in most break-up the children suffer the most ,,

i would not have posted or even a temp to give advice on a not-so happy-marriage ,only that there are kids involved ,,,, get professional help

japat
 
D

davidsis

Guest
Did not mean to say that about women how they play games. Forgot thought it was just us guys. Did not even know that there was even women active on this message board.
 
L

Large Filipino

Guest
It's not about playing games. In my very unprofessional opinion women and men really are two different animals.
When a woman in general has young kids,she feels like she's giving up so much of her freedom,so much of her time. She needs to adjust her schedule to accomidate the children and feels that the husband should help out at every moment. Even when she tells you it's okay to watch the football game,if she's doing any chores,you better be doing it with her and state that watching the game is no fun unless your watching it together.
Now the guy in general yes,we do help in our own way,but to the woman it's not enough because in her eyes,her husband is still enjoying the same things the same as when before he became a dad,and as a dad is having even more fun now,while the woman simply has more responsibilities that most guys simply don't understand.
This is just a general statement for there are those exceptions,but the man in us men feel like we work and they do laundry.
In my case,a true man is one that can take away his ego to serve,yes SERVE his woman however SHE feels fit,cause our women do a whole lot for us,most of the things they do we simply take for granted.
20 years I've been married and we've both relaxed but I keep a sharp ear to her feelings all the time.
It's work. Always.
And yes,this sounds real wussy of me to say some of these things. But in my case this is what works and I think (one can never ever know) my wife is very happy with me.
I don't care,guys. I don't care. A life without my family to me is no life at all.
 
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