The Pit Stop

Discussion in 'Travelling, Commuting & Safety' started by bamabikeguy, Dec 21, 2006.

  1. bamabikeguy

    bamabikeguy Active Member

    Deputy Dawg,

    Well, you are about to see why I needed a pit stop to take my morning dump, with flushing capacity.

    When I got to Denver, Mom called, said the barnyard was rocking every night, she counted off 150 days for goat gestation, and 3 WEEKS HAVE PASSED. I have 80 waddling stubborn nannies, and godonlyknows how many yearlings (who usually drop a single the first time, take the most attention when they FREAK OUT at birth).

    NOT ONE KID HAS DROPPED. And the 2 seperate puddles of Pyrenees puppies have blended together, and buffet dining, first come first serve, for 14 puppies is about to commence.

    So, moderation is going to be spotty when the 120 plus kids hit the ground over the course of 2 weeks. Damn nanny conspiracy, skip all the good weather, wait until snow comes, force me to stay up all night with a damn hair dryer and heat lamp.

    They did that to me Christmas Day 2 years ago, 33 born in 24 hours, on the coldest day of the year. Tis the season to test the bloody patience of the shepherd....... :cry:

    Anyway, my morning rants probably will be "flushed" like I suggested at the top of this thread, especially when I make IRREFUTABLE observations like "14 out of 19 bikeshop owners I've met in my travels are assholes".

    The only good bikeshop owner I met on THIS trek was in Denver, I'm waiting for MileHigh to put Colorado on the map so I can post the pic of "coolest bike I saw during the trip.....", with or without wrap around text.

    Might have to flush it because of me cussing out MapQuest because they lost the ability to "link", probably 10 minutes before I began my Kansas story this morning.

    So, it took nearly an hour to build this map I want to post under the Kansas thread, and it don't even link anyfriggng more. :twisted:


    So, MILE HIGH, get Colorado posted, I can direct you to the front door to three popular watering holes where you should be able to get a FAT TIRE or DALES ALE on the house, put it on the "alabama-idiot-on-a-bikes" tab.

    Unofficially sponsored by [​IMG]

    So, I'm off to do REAL, not virtual, deputy dog duty, maitre d' to 140 pounds of puppies.

    I'll do the "Dorothy blown out of Kansas" ditty when I get back. :arrow: :?

  2. bamabikeguy

    bamabikeguy Active Member

    Do you want a true story with , guns,furry animals explosives, mayhem and such? Pictures tell a thousand words, so with the "power d' collage", I'll save myself a lot of typing..........
    (Motorized Bikes come into the story at the end)


    EARLY Thursday morning I wrote:

    Then I was OFFline for 40 hours or so:

    Here is the puppy puddle:

    Here are the Nanny Conspirators:

    When NOTHING was happening Thursday morning in the "dropping kids" department, Mom wanted to walk to the neighbors houses, delivering her homemade fudge gifts. We police our stretch of road, (with the bike wheels dangling from the fence).

    The GUILTIEST PARTY in my neighbor Argyle Whites dog, who I have been trying to administer "tough love" to keep him out of the road. But 8 cats, 30 chickens, and my dog/goat happenings cause TOO much curiosity, which is going to kill this 25 cent dog one day.
    The 5 gallon bucket of cans were the "reward" for picking up the litter on our road Thursday morning.......


    Mom says she's going to call my cousin Cheryl in Gilroy, and I hear one of my female dogs raising hell.
    Sampson is out guarding the goats (well, he's waiting for the kids to drop, "afterbirth" is canine caviar).
    Black is guarding the pup depot, and Blue is barking at something near my son's abandoned pickup project:


    Damn, a stray cocker something or other has wandered into the wrong area, looks a little mangled. My dogs don't bother the neighbor's dogs, have never upset a garbage can, but strays are trespassers.
    In a merciful mood, I take ladyfinger firecrackers, used to chase chickens out of my bike shop/feed bags.
    Result, the damn dog gets it's head stuck in the front axle. I'm now a bit muddy and a little upset, trying to jab and job this stray dog out of the pasture before Blue shakes it like a rag doll.


    When I get back to the house, Mom hollers "Argyle's dog is in the yard". So I grab the shotgun and 2 shells, let off one blast in the air.
    I'm in my stocking feet on the front porch, the first blast startles Mom and Cheyl more than Argyle's dog.


    So, the dog is stalled by the road, I load the second shell. Can't point that way, it would hit Edwin's truck. Can't point that way, would hit Tommy's garage. I'm not even looking, have the 20 gauge on my hip, Marshal Dillon style.
    I casually let off the second blast toward the pasture next door.

    Sound on: Mom "Hello.....hello.....her cell phone went dead I guess."
    Sight on: :shock: Me, looking at the telephone wire laying in the driveway.


    So, when I was off line, I had a pretty good excuse, and had to use the MOTORIZED BICYCLE to report the outage, and go tell Argyle his dog owed me $85 for the Southern Bell service call.


    BTW- My best friend from college is head of repairs at SoBell, says those antique rotary dial phones are the ONLY type that work after a hurricane or tornado blackout, some kind of small electric current that goes through the line.

    Don't survive birdshot worth a damn. :?
  3. jaybuzz

    jaybuzz Guest


    Wow, thanks for the promotion to "head of all repair at Southern Bell"- If I told you that was my official title it was during one of my delusional episodes.

    Actually, that is our friend Baum.

    I am well aware of the hazards to our outside plant network components caused by crazed hillbillies with shotguns. I will say that you should not be liable for an $85 service charge as long as the drop you severed was between the pole and the house. That is our responsibility.

    Probably would be wise to DAK (telco-speak for "Denies All Knowledge") of how it all went down.

    Examine the truck closely. We have been doing business ass "BellSouth" for the last 15 years or so.
  4. gone_fishin

    gone_fishin Guest

    hehe, that's all we need, another 'bama-crazie on the block :)

    welcome to the forums, jaybuzz 8)
  5. istbenz

    istbenz Guest

    LOVE IT! :lol: :lol: :lol:

    bama you gotta be the craziest dude i've ever interacted with! :lol: i wish that i could have as much fun as you do :!:

    by the way- i love hearing about your adventures on the farm. :D
  6. gone_fishin

    gone_fishin Guest

  7. gone_fishin

    gone_fishin Guest

    it's all about where the text is, mess around with the text version of your posts to see how to place pics where ya want 'em.
  8. Heath

    Heath Guest

    great it!
  9. bamabikeguy

    bamabikeguy Active Member

    Test: bringing up e-mail

    SCANNER TEST: Downsized images. Quality: B minus

    Mt. Cheaha Map (highest point in Alabama)


    Travel Reflections idea: Duplicating Fr. Al's routes.




    Well, at least it worked. :???:

    BTW: Last night around 9 pm I got a call from "Robert", IN IRAQ! (they were just waking up there).
    He lives in Bayou La Batre, AL raises goats and turkeys, coming home in February, and he bought a PUPPY!! 4 down, 10 to go !!! Bayou La Batre is DEFINITELY on my upcoming Mobile trip, so I can send him pictures from his hometown.

    Yes, I will UPS you a puppy !!! They are ready to go.