- Apr 9, 2018
I feel stuck, like no one wants me to do anything. Everything is boring. My dad has been in the ground for 12 years. I’m scared of girls my age and I keep thinking about my ex (about the 5th day). Even when I went for a ride the other day it didn’t fully distract me. It was a mixed feeling of wanting to interact but being depressed at the same time. I feel like I never belonged and I always think people laugh at me. I gave up video games for several reasons, my rear fan broke, my screen won’t receive a signal and I was tired of it. I can’t ride now because of sh*t snow again. I really feel like I’m not free or anything. Like the environment my mom allowed for me has done damage. My mom always shoots me down when I talk about these bikes and it’s annoying af. It’s almost like my very being was somehow foreign to here even though I don’t understand it and the environment being toxic and discouraging has done things to me. It’s the most annoying feeling being around people you don’t get- their behavior anything really. I wish I grew up when there wasn’t cellphones or computers. Or that I could at least function socially and just not be scared.